We should be talking about the shiny new iPhone 17 but honestly, what is the point if the rapture is around the corner? Imagine rapture finding you getting your hands dirty with the aim of spending your ill-gotten fortune on the iPhone 17!  Trumpets blow, angels descend, and there you are. Tragic. Anyway, iPhone 17 dropped, but let us be honest Tim Cook and his boys are no longer cooking. The design is giving rehash, not revelation.

Sure, the phone can practically fly drones, brew coffee, and read Psalms out loud, but looks? Ehh. It is like dating someone with inner beauty in this era; we appreciate the functionality, but my friend, aesthetics still matters. You see dating a two with inner beauty no longer cuts it in this day and age. But here is the real gist: A South African pastor, Joshua Mhlakela, went viral claiming he saw a vision of the rapture happening on September 23-24, 2025. Conveniently, that is around Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year.

Now people are planning for departure like it is a Uganda Airlines maiden flight. Some are selling possessions, quitting jobs, and even debating if their dogs will get taken. Others are leaving their phones unlocked, just in case their relatives need mobile money pins when they are taken. Of course, sceptics are reminding us that Matthew 24:36 says no one knows the day or hour. But try telling that to someone who is already typing their resignation letter: “Sorry boss, I cannot make Monday’s meeting, I will be ascending.”

Ugandans, being Ugandans, will definitely make a meme out of it. Trust someone to be in a taxi, and asking the conductor to give them their balance before they fly. But the bigger issue is this cycle we have seen before, every time the world sneezes wars, pandemics, recessions, prophets pop up with calendars. Meanwhile, believers are caught between anxiety and preparation.

Don’t want to miss out on any story? For updates on all Sqoop stories, follow this link on Telegram: https://t.me/Sqoop