Ladies and gentlemen, allow me introduce Ninye Tabz, or as the government records and his baptism card confirm, Andrew Natumanya, an investigative journalist, cinematographer, documentary filmmaker, and photographer best known as Bobi Wine’s photographer.
He is also a human rights and press freedom activist. That is according to Google. But honestly, we are still trying to figure out which version of Google he uses, because while ours only gives you LinkedIn profiles and Wikipedia summaries, Tabz’s Google can probably tell you your ex’s new bae, your neighbour’s side hustle, and where your last fling spent Valentine’s Day with screenshots.
Heavy on screenshots. If you are not following Tabz, you are missing out on the kind of news that makes Breaking News look like a rumour. He is the classmate who always had the staffroom gossip hot and accurate. You would be there talking about end-of-term exams, and he would already know who is repeating next year. That is Tabz. The man does not wait for confirmation, he is the confirmation.
Enter Uganda’s self-declared People’s FBI. Forget ISO, CMI, or ESO – those ones still use paper files. Tabz once helped someone find a stolen bike, exposed fake government payrolls, and can probably tell you what your ex is eating for supper and the boda plate number that delivered it. If you are looking for your missing soulmate, do not bother writing a police statement. Just tag Tabz, he is fast, efficient, and most importantly, affordable.
Somewhere in Naguru, Uganda Police must be clapping quietly, relieved that citizens are now solving their own cases. Imagine walking into a police station not to report a crime, but to testify that Tabz already found the suspect. The man has turned WiFi into a weapon and screenshots into subpoenas. His latest episode? Apparently, word on the Timeline is that the Katikkiro’s phone might have gone back to its original owners. And please, in this economy, we do not call them thieves, that is job shaming. These are reclaimers of property. We just hope Tabz will track the gadget and restore order to the kingdom.
So, here is to Ninye Tabz; may your connection stay strong, your screenshots load fast, and your investigations continue to shake tables. Because in a country where knowledge is power, you, sir, keep chasing the people who are the power. Just be safe… at least until you find our soulmates.
Written by Mark Peter Ssegirinya
