For the benefit of our comrades who abandoned current affairs and devoted their entire souls to Detty December, let’s catch you up. While you were busy attending every brunch, boat cruise, and silent disco in a 15 km radius, NTV organised a presidential debate last week. And because this is Uganda, the land where freedom is so abundant you can practically choose your own reality, several presidential aspirants chose not to show up. Free will is free will, after all.
Now, some absences were understandable. If President Museveni does not attend a debate, we nod respectfully. The man has been in office since cassette tapes were trending; surely he has matters of national importance, especially now that we are allegedly planning to take ‘our’ Indian Ocean, strategic thinking requires time, maps, and the right pair of binoculars. Plus, the man had a podcast with Gen-Zs running at the exact same time. A pre-recorded podcast during a live presidential debate? The rationale is above our pay grade, but we move. Also, the Gen-Z on that podcast, your Gen-Z licenses need to be revoked, ‘clocking it’ was used like a KPI and the others from your faces even with the make-up , we could tell you not Gen-Z!
But then there is Mubarak Munyagwa, Mugatti gwa butter himself. His absence caused national heartbreak. Ugandans were ready with snacks, waiting to hear the Lusaniya ideology straight from the source. Instead, crickets. The streets are asking questions. Is he prepping for Kasuku Live? Was he stuck in Lugogo traffic? Did he oversleep? These are national concerns.
Frank Bulira confidently declared, “In Nigeria, if you need services and you are in Lagos, you do not need to move to Kumasi…” Unfortunately, geography humbled him immediately: “Kumasi is in Ghana,” Arnold Ssegawa reminded him. By the time Bulira recovered, Uganda had already laughed in all local languages. Back at Serena, the candidates who did show up attempted to behave like grown-ups. Bobi Wine sat calmly, and to be fair, the man has evolved. This is not the Bobi Wine of 2021 who spoke like he had swallowed WiFi. This one is measured, composed – presidential even.
Opposition candidates praised him carefully, the way Ugandans compliment a neighbour’s child: politely, but with caution. Muntu said discussions are possible. Mabirizi complained Bobi Wine never replied his messages, then added: “I’m a born again,” as if holiness could explain being blue-ticked.In the end, the debate revealed the obvious: Bobi Wine has the clout, the charisma, the crowds and probably the highest number of viewers secretly watching from State House. But uniting the opposition? Ah. That is still as tricky as convincing Ugandans to mind their business.
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