Ever wondered what your favourite people do away from the screen and socials, who they would swap lives with for a day, or which song they secretly dance to? Gloria Haguma gets personal and a little nosy with media personality Tinah Teise. No filter, no script, just a peek into her quirky side.

You are leaving the supermarket and realise your car is not parked where you left it. How are you reacting?

Confusion first. I would double check that I am in the right place, start tracking it, call my insurance, report to the nearest police station, then proceed to cry.

Because what do you mean my car has been stolen?

On a scale of one to 10, how much do you miss the perks of your Login era?

Let us say five. It is 50/50. I now attend events to enjoy, not to work, so it is more nostalgia than missing it.

How long have you known your boda guy?

Gweeee! I have many; home, work, business. I have known them a long time. Those are my Gs!

Never wear make-up again or never go to brunch?

Make-up can go. Gudubayi!

If your entire wardrobe caught fire and you could only save five items, what would they be?

That should never happen, but if it did; my black office pants I can pair with anything, a dress, a two-piece outfit, my gym wear, and my lingerie and waist trainer.

Have you ever pretended to like something boujee that you secretly found tacky, just to maintain the aesthetics?

Actually no. It would be written all over my face. I like what I like, aesthetics or not.

It is Cabinet list season and the President appoints you Minister in-charge of Soft Life. Who is on your team?

My team would be shuffled every other week. What I know for sure is that we would serve well. Hahaha.

What does soft life look like to you? Paint us a picture.

Doing what I want, when and how I want. Being in charge of my time is such a luxury.

Any “peasant habits” you are willing to confess?

God forbid peasantry, Amen! But yes, I enjoy roadside rolex and watching a VJ Junior translated movie. I also like doing some home chores myself even when I can get help. Is that peasant? You tell me.

What is the most diva thing you have demanded on a trip or holiday?

I love good service. If I paid for something, I expect it. If you serve me cold food, I will politely ask you to warm it. I do not eat cold food. Is that diva behaviour?

Girls’ night out. You walk into the bathroom and meet Vera Wang. What do you do?

I would say ‘hi’, compliment her work in revolutionising bridal fashion, then invite her to my wedding so she can see Ugandan bridal designers on me.

What is the cringiest thing people do on social media?

Everything about social media is cringe. You share your life with strangers hoping they relate. That alone is cringe enough.

If only people knew…

I give what I receive. I mirror energy. Everyone should know that.

If you had to pick one slightly useless superpower for a week. What do you choose?

A superpower and useless in the same sentence? I would choose the ability to heal. I hate pain. No one should live in pain.

Funniest assumption people make about you?

People are always surprised that I am friendly and warm, even with people I have just met. A social girlie.

Craziest girls’ trip story you are tired of keeping in the circle?

Iyiiii hahaha look at you snooping. But I have many of those. Flying from Marbella to Ibiza [Spain] was chaos. Two girls’ luggage did not make it, I booked my flight for the correct date but wrong year, someone forgot their passport on a yacht, another twisted their ankle. It was crazy, yet so fun!

One fashion rule you break unapologetically?

I dress for comfort, not trends. If it is not comfortable, I am not wearing it.

Which Ugandan artiste would shock us if we snooped on your Spotify?

None. I am a big consumer of Ugandan music.

Which Ugandan celebrity do you secretly wish you were friends with?

None. I know most of them personally. I keep it professional or acquaintance-level. The ones I love, I support openly.

When you go home for the holidays, what do the villagers call you? Any nicknames?

My name Tinah is short for Christine. In the village they call me Chris, but with a strong Rukiga accent it becomes “Kulisi.”

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