In this country, Presidential Advisors are like mushrooms after the rain. Every corner you turn, boom, another one appears. And honestly, no one knows the criteria anymore. English? Degrees? Experience? Nope. The current breed suggests you only need two things; a loud mouth and the stamina to quarrel for five straight hours without blinking. Over the weekend, Presidential Advisor Full Figure graduated from the school of words to the school of blows, courtesy of goons allegedly loyal to a fellow advisor. The fellow advisor is accused of having Full Figure disfigured because she insulted her.
However, the fellow advisor denies the claims. Whatever beef Full Figure’s tormentors had with her, her clobbering is unacceptable. Instead of a press conference or a polite lawsuit, what did we get? A live-action Ugandan version of WWE Raw in Kampala. But the most Ugandan part was not even the beating. It was the woman who calmly stood by, phone in hand, recording every slap, punch, and wig shift like she was earning data bundles per minute.
Only in Uganda do people see a mob beating and think; content first, rescue later. Ugandans are slowly normalising mob ‘justice’ disguised as instilling discipline. Nowadays many people have no qualms with hiring thugs to beat those who they clash with. Today it is Full Figure, tomorrow it will be your neighbour who refused to reduce your boda fare. If disagreements are settled with fists instead of laws, with people celebrating, we are all in trouble.
*Written by Mark Peter Ssegirinya
