Last week, Uganda abandoned its regular programming. Our entire timeline packed small bags, put on imaginary Gucci jackets, crossed the Atlantic, and relocated into the beef between 50 Cent and Sean Diddy Combs, all thanks to The Reckoning documentary. And let me tell you if you didn’t already know that 50 Cent is a generational hater, this documentary stamped it officially. The man hates with consistency, with structure, with KPIs. If pettiness had a national budget, 50 would be Minister of Finance and Planning. Meanwhile Diddy… that one is giving full psychopath energy, and 50 is giving premium sociopath vibes. Truly, the Avengers of misbehaviour. Honestly, maybe this is the level of beef Uganda needs. Not artists slapping each other in malls near escalators like a low-budget Nollywood remake. No. We need high-quality conflict — beef with documentaries, diagrams, affidavits, PowerPoints, and testimony from P2 classmates.
If we adopted this level of strategic pettiness, our haters would fear us properly. Ugandans on the timeline have discussed this saga with the confidence of people who grew up sharing a bunk bed with both 50 and Diddy. Some are tweeting like they personally attended Diddy’s 1999 parties. Others are defending 50 like he was their OB from Ngo. And you know Ugandans give us even quarter of a rumour, and we shall analyze it spiritually, economically, historically, and emotionally.
Imagine if Ugandans adopted 50 Cent’s dedication. 2026 would be peaceful. Instead of crying about haters, we would be documenting them, editing exposés, and premiering The Reckoning: Kawempe Edition at National Theatre. That’s the level of petty productivity we need next year. And for those hearing all this for the first time, let this be your wake-up call. Work harder next year. Afford Netflix. Upgrade your phone. Or at least get WiFi that stays on when it rains. This kind of entertainment helps the soul.
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